Did I Ever Tell You This?
I would consider myself someone who has a unique understanding and a close relationship with death. It’s something I’ve had to think about extensively as I talk about it all the time so I think I have a solid grasp on what it means, for me anyway.
This is a pretty morbid way to start any sort of Journal entry but it is the subject of the matter based on my most recent read. Death can come about in a number of different ways and because of that, I am open to consider alternative views. I don’t have answers, I don’t think there are any. But I do have a perspective which is often the topic of conversation so when I was recommended ‘Did I Ever Tell You This?’ along with a backstory to its publication, I was intrigued.
We’ll get back to death soon. For now, I need to talk about Sam Neill.
As much as I absolutely love filmmaking, I am not much of a film aficionado. To give you an idea of my film watching habits, people almost always gasp in near disgust when they find out how many movies I haven’t watched. To add to that, I don’t actually own a TV. So discovering Sam Neill through his book was an interesting process.
On a side note, from what I have learned about Sam’s relationship with fame, I think he would almost prefer someone reading his story with minimal to no background in his achievements like I did.
‘Did I Ever Tell You This?’ is a fairly classic style of autobiography (or memoir) where Sam takes you through the events of his life from the early years, up until the current days which detail the challenges he’s dealing with. It’s a beautiful story to follow someone who realised their dreams and lived a life that one should look back on with pride, despite the constant questioning of ability and lack of self-confidence. Sam’s life and his achievements are surreal by any measure, however, it’s as if they were lived by a perfectly normal and ‘real’ human.
For this reason, I found Sam’s writing style very warm. It’s conversational and approachable which made the book almost addictive to read because it felt like you were sitting at the pub with Sam as he reeled off all of these incredible stories. It’s not very often I will let out an audible laugh while reading a book, but Sam did that (The Elizabeth Taylor story, my goodness!!). He also brings an emotional and reflective undertone which not only speaks to his current situation but it’s a comforting admission from a male figure that I admire him for.
When reflecting on his life and achievements, Sam uses the metaphor of a driverless train to describe how life changes direction from time to time. This might be overlooked by a lot of the people who read the book because you’re reading about someone who’s done it all and you’d think the train ended up exactly where it was meant to go. That being said, I do think it’s a useful thought experiment to ask where the train switched tracks in your own life? I can think of a number of times in life when my own train took up a new path and at the time, I hated it. It was not what I’d planned whatsoever. But these switches are inevitable, and with the luxury of hindsight, you can either learn from these moments or be grateful that they took you to a completely new, unexpected and exciting place in life.
Along this train ride, the stories from Sam just keep on coming. He’s worked with a dizzying number of stars and the perspective you gain on what it must be like to work in an environment like that, for whatever you think about ‘Hollywood’, is truly remarkable. But there’s a line that I love where you learn a lot about Sam, the human.
“So many of the stories in this book are about people who enriched my life immeasurably. Or, occasionally, not. If I've made a film that turns out to be good, that's a good result. If I've made a film that's good and made a couple of friends, that's a great result. If I've made a film that's no good, but I made a friend that's still another great result.
It sounds grossly cliché but there’s something to that (You know I love the clichés anyway). Sam’s sentiment is a reminder to not take yourself and your work too seriously, because, at the end of the day, your work won’t remember you or be at your funeral, however, your friends will.
I mentioned I would hold off on the death talk until later but it’s difficult to avoid given the motivation for this book.
As Sam takes you through his life and legacy, there is a second storyline running parallel which documents his discovery, and subsequent battle with cancer. I did mention that there are multiple ways death can come about. The notion and awareness around something like cancer is such a different proposition from the brutality and rawness of a shark attack. This comparison could be an interesting proposition to some but the reality is that they both have the same potential ending.
All that being said, I did mention ‘battle’, and as you know from my story, I survived. So for now, these are stories of overcoming adversity and there’s another excerpt of a conversation with Sylvester Stallone where he describes what a hero is.
“All those new guys, Statham… all the rest. All these new guys. They walk into a room and there’s ten bad guys. Then they beat up all those ten bad guys. That’s not me. I get knocked down. I stand up. I get knocked down. I stand up. I get knocked down. I get knocked down. I get knocked down. And finally I stand up. That’s a hero.” - Sylvester Stallone
I’ve thought about that a lot. It’s more than just a story point. It’s a lesson in life. I’m remembering it now. Now that I’ve been knocked down.
I will stand up
I won’t rewrite more of Sam’s assessment of Sylvester’s lesson but I honestly couldn’t agree more. I often wonder if this is a realisation that you only learn through adversity because it’s difficult to promise someone that these adversities will be a net positive, no matter how bad they feel at the time and how much you’d like to avoid them. Life will have its setbacks and by continuing to keep standing back up one of two things will happen.
Whoever is punching you will get tired eventually…
You’ll be proud that you never gave up
Because the longer I live, and the more mature I hope I’m getting… One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is to focus on pride being the main metric of success. Life is too short to have regrets of not trying in the first place, or not making the most of the opportunity you have in front of you.
That’s how death can be the ‘carrot’. Being aware of your mortality can seem glib, but if you take several more steps backward and view your time here with a bit of gratitude, then I think you have a real opportunity to find what matters to you and build a life around that.
However, death can also be a big old ‘stick’ too (depending on circumstances). A brush with death or a recognition of your mortality can certainly push you to do those things you wish you prioritised earlier. It can at times feel like a slightly more spiritual mid-life crisis in a way.
‘Did I Ever Tell You This?’ is the perfect example of this as its creation seems to have come purely out of the want or the desire for Sam to get his life and experiences down on paper while he still had the chance. And I’m glad he did because out of all of the books I’ve read so far this year, this has by far been my favourite.
I have to say a massive thanks to Ryan Buckey for putting me onto this one. I’ve really appreciated following the guidance of others when it comes to picking what books to read and I don’t think I would have found myself picking this one up if it weren’t for the recommendation.
I often get caught in the trap of thinking I have to read books that will offer me some sort of knowledge which I’m realising now, sadly leaves me with such a narrow field of view especially when I know that stories like this are what often offer the most.
Who knows, maybe my newfound appreciation for Sam will lead me to watch one or two of his films.